The single parent family

A single parent is an uncoupled individual who shoulders most or all of the day-to-day responsibilities for raising a child or children.

That's Wikipedia's definition of a single parent, but for me it couldn't be further from the truth.

You see on paper I am a single mum. I live in a flat, just me and my three. When it comes to filling in forms and ticking boxes I am 'single' but I literally have an army.

I am separated, not divorced, from my husband; but he is present, ALL THE TIME. Which for the kids of course is fantastic. For me - not so much (more on that later). And his family; who are equally as present which is equally as amazing for my children. 

I have a 'young man' (not my husband). I don't like to call him my boyfriend because it makes me sound like I'm 12 and I don't like to call him my partner either because it makes me sound like I'm 60 (I'm 29 by the way). He's just Jamie, but he is also present a lot (though never at the same time as the above - just to clarify) and the kids hold him in high regard.

Then there's my family. I have my mum and dad who are quite frankly amazing. My older sister and my baby brother (who's 25) and yes admittedly I have a serious case of middle child syndrome. I am ever so slightly spoilt. By my sister who always wanted a baby sister (who was she kidding??) and my brother who just loves us both like we are the best thing since sliced bread. Basically we would all do anything for each other, and do....on the reg.

Then there's my extended family - the family who most people at 29 probably don't see much of any more. Their aunts and uncles and cousins. Who are now great aunties/uncles and second cousins to my children. They all come round. They all visit. They all call and text and turn up to birthday parties. My closest cousin (closest in age - I don't have favourites) comes round weekly, he plays football with Charlie he lets Daisy and Charlotte do his hair and pretty much terrorise him. If I haven't spoken to him for a week or so we text each other and check in. He's present. He's always here. He's in their lives, a lot. Second cousin? What even is that?

Then there's my friends. You will hear a lot about my friends. I have my best friends, who I never see but talk to almost every day. I have grown up with them. They know me inside out, they know things about me nobody else will ever know. Our lives have moved in different directions but they always turn up to birthday parties (you may note that this is a definite criteria for being in our lives - MUST TURN UP TO BIRTHDAY PARTIES)

And then there's my tribe - my mum friends who I met through having children, who are probably the single best thing to come out of having them (I jest - of course there's hundreds of amazing things to come out of having children - like sleepless nights and saggy boobs)

I have a whole post to write on these 6 girls, but I mention them now because my kids know they are my tribe and any one of my kids would go home with any one of the six girls rather than me given the chance. They are present, they are there and daily they make me feel like I'm not on my own. (And they ALWAYS turn up to birthday parties)

And then there's the rest....all the other people who have dealings with my children. The family friends, the other mums I met at school, and pre school - Post tribe formation (absolutely no new members allowed) The ones who look at me with sympathy when I'm ten minutes late and charlotte still hasn't had her hair brushed, so offer to walk my other two to school whilst I deal with the naughty one. The ones who message me on Facebook when I am so pissed off, that I write a really cryptic message, or post a really cryptic quote purely for attention - I thank you for caring. The ones I arrange lunch with because 'she seems like someone I would like'  but then never ever go out with because we're both equally as busy and also fed up of making 'mum chat' about the inner workings of the school that quite frankly neither of you can be dealing with right now - I thank you for not caring. The teachers, dinner ladies, brownie leaders and all the people who 'turn up to the parties'.

So am I really a single parent? Do I do every single school run in a 39 week school year? Do I cook 3 meals a day 7 days a week? Am I the only person who tells my children they love them? Picks them up when they are down and shares their achievements, dreams and aspirations with them? No I am not. I try my best but I cannot do it all. I am just one person and that is why I am so grateful that since me and their dad split up in 2013 not once have I felt like I was on my own. I am lucky I know, and I take my hat off to all the people who really are going it alone because I know whole heartedly that I am sharing the job of bringing up my children with so many amazing people. And I thank you all.