Buddies

I remember the first day, I remember it perfectly. I remember the thoughts I had building up to the day, the feelings of guilt about how young she was and questioning whether she was actually ready or whether or not I was just trying to buy myself 15 hours a week before baby number 2 came along. 

I remember walking into that room for the first time and wanting to cry because this was where my baby, my first born, my most treasured possession was going to spread her wings for the first time without me and I remember wondering whether I had done the right thing. 

Would she be happy here? Would they be nice to her? As nice as I am? Would they pick her up when she fell over and cuddle her until she stopped crying? Would they love her unconditionally? Even when she threw a hissy fit over sweet FA? 

And now we're here.....exactly 6 years and 10 months later....3 children, 3 settings, about 10 different teachers, 50 different illnesses and 100 different dilemmas, I have come to the end of the road, a road I have loved every minute of......how did this happen? All of a sudden those 6 years and 10 months seem like minutes. 

Daisy was a little over two when she started buddies pre school, she was ready,  even if I wasn't but I had a new baby on the way and I wanted to get her started before he arrived so she didn't think I was palming her off because he had made an appearance. I remember meeting the girls, the same ones who have been there ever since plus a few other specials who have joined along the way. 

These girls have seen me at my worst times. They have comforted not only my children but me though things we shouldn't have had to deal with - illnesses, daddy moving home, losing loved ones and everything in between and they have offered advice and support and shown us love and they have also seen us at our best. 

They have shared every achievement great and small and celebrated them with us, they have been happy because we are happy and they have been sincere, not because it's their job but because they truly do care, they have become our friends. 

So how do you ever say good bye to those people? Let your third and final child walk away knowing that she is on her own in this big wide world now, knowing that as lovely as her new school teachers will be, they won't cuddle her and let her sit on their laps. They won't plait her hair and let her plait theirs. And although you know she wants to go to school you also know that when she gets there she will soon realise nothing is ever going to compare to buddies, just like her siblings before her. 

You as her mummy trusts them, probably more than you trust anyone else in the world with her, they know her inside out, they know what makes her happy they know what makes her sad. They have taught her everything she knows. She has turned into a beautiful little girl who loves her friends, who laughs and giggles. Who is helpful to others and proud of herself and her achievements. She is unique and she knows it. She is everything buddies have made her, she is more than I could have ever hoped she would be. 

So as she goes from the old onto the new she will take part of them with her and that is how we will walk away, knowing that.... like her siblings before her she has had the best possible start in life, and that her first years of life have probably been the happiest she will ever have because that is the gift they have given her. 

Only this time I won't be back next year with my next child for our next adventure, this time it's really over. 

And mummy will cry, mummy will cry lots.