The adventure begins....

And so the adventure begins.....

Your off on your new journey and your going it alone. Mummy isn't allowed on this one, it's time for you to make your own way. 

I thought I had so much time.....4 and a half years seems like such a long time. I have blinked and it is gone. 

I have thought about this day in my head more times than I can remember. Played out how I would feel. Some days I have felt like it's gonna be the best day of my life. The day I get my life back and become Lindsey again. I have all these plans... I'm finally gonna tidy up this house, I'm gonna finish a hot cup of tea and I'm gonna use that gym membership Iv been paying for the last six months. 

All things to pass the time each day until you come home from school and we can be reunited. 

I never wanted a third child. You were my little surprise. Somehow you were just meant to be in this world. You came along like a bat out of hell and you took my life, you shook it upside down and left it standing on its head. And all of a sudden an upside down life became normal. 

You were completely different to anything I had ever known. You challenged me physically, emotionally and mentally from the day you were born. You wanted my undivided attention from the second you came into this world and you would do anything to make sure you got it. You were just Charlotte.

Over the last four and a half years I have learnt every single thing about you. I know every book you have read, every toy you have played with, every friend you have made. Our lives are parallel, we have become one. My little shadow. 

We have had challenging times and we have stuck together. I have pissed you off more times than I care to recall and you have pissed me off more times than seems humanly possible.

You are my best friend. You are my everything. You are the most perfect person I ever hoped you could be. I love you more than I ever knew I could. I am a better person because of you.

And now I have to let you go..... to spread your wings and make your own way. Pick your own destiny on a journey that I won't be on with you. A part of your life that I won't be in. And you will cope fine, you will love making new friends and having your independence, that's who you are. Every single person who comes into contact with you falls in love with you. But I am not ready to share you, I am not ready for this journey, i haven't had enough time. 

And almost over night you will change. You won't need me so much any more. You will learn things without me. You won't look for me for reassurance and guidance, you will get that from someone else. More and more people will become part of your journey.

And the question is not....'what will she do without me?' The question is 'what will I do without her?'  

But you will make me proud. You will show the world why mummy loves you so much. You will show loyalty to your friends like you have shown me. You will become whatever it is you want to be and you will do it with the determination you have for everything you do. 

But know this.....

Mummy will always be there at the end of the day. To pick you up when the journey gets tough, to share the good times and the laughs, the achievements and most importantly the fun. I will go with you on your journey wherever it is you want to go. And I will always be so very proud of you.